I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
