we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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