Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
