Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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