So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
