wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
