Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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