i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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