How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
