Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
