Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
