Well apparently he's into motor boating.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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