lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
