Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
