Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
