my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
