i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She even gives head with a lisp.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
