just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
