Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
