I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
