Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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