when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
