need another drink. this is the easiest way
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
