A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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