since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
