Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
