The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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