what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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