its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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