i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Your penis caused this!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
