took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
