I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
