thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Im part way to drunk.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
