whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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