you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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