i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
