Yo dont text me then not text me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
