why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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