I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
