I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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