Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
