So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
