ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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