I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
