Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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