dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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