I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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