You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Acid is not a monday night drug
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
