her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
