wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i've created a new STD.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
