he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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