today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
