Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
