Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
