I wannas sexs uuuuu
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
