The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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