Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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