she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
