Got a toothbrush?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
