so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize