Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
