there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
