i just wanna soil my oats bro
Welp...herpes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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