On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
