He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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