What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
